Happiness. There are books upon books written on the topic, and scores of movies based on the pursuit of happiness. So why aren’t more people happy? And why is it that some people seem to enjoy the misery of unhappiness? It’s like its own art form – but I digress.
I don’t believe anyone actually enjoys being unhappy. But if they aren’t enjoying being unhappy why can’t they just snap out of it?
“Why can’t you just be happy?” Ouch! I’ve been on the receiving end of that question. I’ve had numerous clients tell me their partner asks them the same thing. And it stings. It stings because it’s a question laced with accusation that triggers more unhappiness.
Maybe you’ve been on the receiving end of this, or maybe you’ve asked it, frustrated that someone you love isn’t happy. I’ve heard it in romantic, platonic and family relationships.
I can tell you, a million thoughts go through a person’s mind all at once when this question is directed toward them.
Doubt: “Why can’t I just be happy? What’s wrong with me?”
Blame: “You want to know why I can’t just be happy? Let me count the ways and lay it out for you”
Guilt: “I have so many things I’m thankful for. I should be happy”
In reality blame causes more disconnection, there’s nothing to feel guilty for (all emotions are valid), and there’s nothing wrong with you. Being unhappy and discontent in your relationship is a response to feeling disconnected from your authenticity and disconnected from your partner.
It’s something that happens over time, sometimes years. Reconnecting doesn’t ‘just’ happen with the snap of your fingers or the wave of a magic wand, which is why you can’t ‘just’ get over it and be happy.
It’s a process of reconnecting to your authentic self as you effectively release the old crap that led to disconnection in the first place.
Get clear. Talk to a friend, or better yet, an impartial professional to gain clarity about your situation and the core of your unhappiness. By the way, if it’s your partner who’s unhappy, chances are you’re unhappy to a certain extent too, so the same advice applies.
Know that before you can connect, or reconnect, with a partner you have to reconnect with yourself. Intimacy is the gateway to great sex and love that lasts, but you have to intimately know yourself first. So, rediscover your authentic self by doing the things that make your heart sing.Unhappiness is an energy that permeates every aspect of life. You are worth more than that. Click To Tweet
If you or your partner is unhappy, you can’t make them happy – that’s their own work. But you can make it easier for each other to reconnect by showing up with patience, care and attention to the intentions of your words and actions. That’s how you make love great.
Dr. Gayle Friend
p.s. Message me and together we can get to the core of your unhappiness and more importantly, get you back on the road to authenticity.