The persistent inability to achieve orgasm is called anorgasmia, and if you struggle with this there are things you need to know. Watching shows with sex scenes you’d think that reaching the big ‘O’ is the easiest thing in the world. And that they’re all earth shattering, blow your mind experiences.

For many the reality is far different than this because they find it hard, if not downright impossible to have orgasms.

I’ve been there. I didn’t have my first orgasm until I was 34. And I know how frustrating it is. I know the feelings of inadequacy and shame that can creep in and take hold.

This is what it feels like to feel pleasure and not reach orgasm with your partner:

You start kissing and touching and getting turned on. The sensations feel good. You feel good. There’s a swelling of energy and a loosening of inhibitions. You feel pressure and throbbing in your genitals. Intensity increases. Breathing becomes shallow. You feel like you’re on the edge, about to burst and then… nothing. No release. But the build up is still there and it’s distressing.

If you’re like me you cry. It sometimes feels like the only release you have.

I’ve had clients, both men and women, tell me they don’t even cry. Instead they drop into a well of shame thinking there’s something wrong with them. I felt that way too.

The inability to orgasm is almost always accompanied by problems that aren’t necessarily sexual. You are a sexual being. Everyone is. But you’re a whole being. You have thoughts and emotions. You feel deeply whether you acknowledge those feelings or not. (Stuffing them down doesn’t mean they don’t exist).

The work I do is about the whole person. Every factor is taken into consideration.

When it comes to resolving sexual concerns, leave no stone unturned. Click To Tweet

Sometimes there are relationship concerns that need to be addressed. Communication or intimacy needs that aren’t being fulfilled. Sometimes it goes back to the sex education you received, or didn’t receive, and the overload of misinformation online that causes your mind to mess with you. Read more about that here.

What’s true for most of my clients is that when we get to the core of what’s going on and shift those things, it doesn’t take a whole lot more to have an orgasm. Anorgasmia can become a thing of the past.

BTW – I prefer to use the word pre-orgasmic. As in – you haven’t had one YET. It’s coming (pun intended). To get there you need to ease up on yourself, get educated, look at all the possible contributing factors and develop a willingness to believe that hope is not lost. Above all you need patience. This is a process and it’s a process worth the effort.

Live a happy, sexy life!

Dr. Gayle Friend

p.s. Get information specific to you and your concerns – click here.

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