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I heard it again the other day. “How can I get my wife to have more sex?” Of all the sex problems I get this question a lot. And what I hear underneath the question is hurt and longing in both partners.

Hurt because of needs not being met and longing for what they’re missing.

As much as I hear this question from men I hear it from women too. I’m writing this from one perspective but please know it’s not gender or orientation specific.

Sexual desire is multi layered and I break it down in a previous article about low libido and low desire. In a thriving relationship and sex life the needs of each persons body, mind, heart and spirit are fulfilled. This is where passion, bliss and joy grow from.

The desire for sex can be greatly inhibited if connection and core individual needs aren’t being met and nurtured.

If she doesn’t have the same appetite for sex that she used to, what are her needs that aren’t being met? People have a deep desire to be seen, known, loved and valued by the person they fell in love with. What is she missing? Knowing and tending to her need could resolve your sex problems.

Women lose their desire for sex when they feel frustrated, tired or resentful.

Has she been complaining about something that drives you nuts? Maybe it sounds like nagging to you but if it’s making her frustrated, tired or resentful then it matters – a lot!

Nagging doesn’t nourish a relationship and learning a new way to interact is important. But for now see her complaint as the thing that holds the key to unlocking her sexual desire!

Knowing and tending to each others core needs body, mind, heart & spirit unlocks desire. Click To Tweet

What does she keep saying she wants? And more importantly what is the need beneath the want?

For example: Has she been asking you to pick up your own socks but you rarely do? Something as simple as this could be sabotaging your efforts to make love to your wife. If she feels like you’re one of the children, how will that turn her on?

She wants you to pick up your socks but what is her need?

Is it so she feels more like your partner than your mom? Maybe her need is to know you care. Maybe neglecting this one thing continually reinforces for her that her desires don’t matter to you. That she doesn’t matter.

You may tell her she matters but is the message behind your actions supporting your words.

  • Is she missing the affection that your flirting used to provide?
  • Do you wait until you’re in the mood for romance before you romance her?
  • Are you showing her you love her in ways that meet her needs or your needs?
  • Do you tell her everyday that she’s sexy, beautiful and smart?
  • Does she feel taken for granted the rest of the time?

When I work with clients we look at each individual body, mind, heart and spirit to unearth what’s missing. What are the core needs and longings. As they apply what I teach and fill in those missing pieces their relationships and sex problems start to transform into deeper love and vitality.

Start asking her what she needs. She might answer with a want but it’s a clue to an underlying need. Meet her needs and watch her blossom.

Live a happy, sexy life!

Dr. Gayle

p.s. Want to get to the root of things? Request a little one-on-one time now and get solid advice to help ease your mind.

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