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If you are in a relationship with low sexual desire and you’re missing your partner and wanting your sex life back, you already know that it is not as easy as flipping a switch.

You know this and yet you find yourself standing in line at the check out or scrolling through social media and reading articles with titles like, ‘10 Quick Ways to Increase Desire’ or ‘How to Fan the Flames of Desire by Tonight’.

And I’ll bet as you read them hopeful starts turning into hopeless.

That was once my life too. And it’s a familiar sentiment expressed by a majority of the clients I work with.

The truth about increasing sexual desire is this…

There are many, many things to consider besides the top tricks for how to turn your partner on. Or how to turn yourself on for that matter.



There is always a reason for low sexual desire and if there’s no underlying medical condition think about exploring your thoughts and emotions about sex, about yourself, about your partner and about your relationship. This is the work I do with clients to uncover the core issues that they can then let go of to reclaim their full sexuality.

There could be a multitude of reasons for why you or your partner aren’t interested in sex, why sexual desire is low or why you’re avoiding sex altogether.

I’ve been there and I know that the big picture can feel overwhelming, making it hard to gain clarity. So break it down slowly and look at what is truly bothering you that has nothing to do with sex. What are the things that are getting in the way of you enjoying relationships or life fully? What are your worries, anxieties, tensions, fears or angers?

Sexual tension fuels arousal but tension that robs you of sexual desire or pleasure doesn’t.

The reality of increasing sexual desire is that it takes time to re-establish comfort with your sexuality and your partner. It takes time to do this while you work on letting go of what’s been keeping you stuck and struggling.

There is no way you can read a ‘how to’ article at 3pm and be turning your partner on and having hot sex by 8pm. I can guarantee that is not going to work.

The goal is to get comfortable with each other first by taking expectations off the table (or out of the bedroom). Get under the covers naked and hold each other, cuddle, spoon – without expectations of anything! Take the pressure off so you can allow pleasure in.

It’s about building trust with your self and each other. It’s about surrendering your mind chatter and your limiting beliefs while surrendering into feeling good with your sexuality and your partner.

It takes time to turn low sexual desire around but it can be done and the rewards are worth it. Click To Tweet

If your sexual desire and sex life have been dormant for a while it takes time for your body to wake up and to feel positive anticipation about sex. But the time invested is worth it.

Your authentic sexual desire and amazing sex life are waiting for you. And you can get there with lasting results if you take fast results out of the equation. Here’s to making love great.


Dr. Gayle Friend

p.s. Speaking of making love great – start by joining my Make Love Great Facebook group now!