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I’m going to let you in on something that’s been a game changer for me. When I first started talking about why I say thank you and resist saying I love you too, I was met with skepticism but hear me out because this could transform your life. And it may sound familiar.

I was a pleaser. And I was a pleaser to my own detriment. The more I focused on the needs of others the less authentic I was being myself. This left me tired, sad and quietly angry. How could I possibly please others in this state?

I had the art of pleasing down pat but it was doing nothing to nurture me. The art of receiving was a foreign concept and I found out it’s a key element to happiness.

Being a mom and a partner and a helping professional, and due to my own nature, I’m a giver. And I love giving. But I’ve learned there’s a drastic difference between giving and pleasing.

Here’s how I see the difference. Giving originates in my heart. It’s based in a desire to do for the other person and it includes me. Pleasing originates from a sense of obligation to other and doesn’t take me into consideration.

When you give to another, be it a compliment, kind act, or the words I love you, there’s a hope that the other person will receive it and be pleased. And when you feel their positive energy from the experience of receiving, you in turn feel good.

So let me ask you this. Why do most of us feel the need to instantly reciprocate? My answer is because we are well versed in the art of pleasing but not in the art of receiving.

As soon as we hear a compliment we instantly return a similar sentiment. Someone helps us out then we rush out to buy them a gift card to balance the scales so we don’t feel indebted. My thought on this is that perhaps on some level we don’t feel worthy of simply receiving.

When we are given something and instantly reciprocate we’re not receiving. We’re not welcoming the intent of the giver to land on our heart. We’re not taking in the positive energy. Instead what we’re doing is pushing that energy back out.

In a way it’s almost disrespectful to the giver. They’re giving from their heart and we’re pushing it back. And if we’re consistently pushing that giving energy back out, away from us, how can we invite more pleasure and good into our lives?

The art of receiving was difficult for me at first but I made a conscious effort to master it. As I did my positive energy continued to expand and my happiness grew. I had to shift my mindset from pleasing out of a sense of obligation to giving from my heart and receiving with my heart.

When you are given a compliment or kind act or the words “I love you”. Say thank you and take a moment to visualize it landing softly on your heart. Visualize your heart opening to receive the gift. Breathe it in. Let it nurture you. Think of it as a caressing massage of your heart. As you do this, your heart energy expands and your partner, or whoever the giver is, will feel that expansive energy.

(I’ll insert a caveat here: Unless they’re stuck in an expectation of instant reciprocation. But that’s a topic for another time)

Back to the juicy, yummy, feel good art of receiving. When you learn how to receive instead of pushing back you will in turn receive more. Positive energy attracts more positive energy. When you don’t receive with your heart you’re deflecting instead of attracting.

When you receive with your heart, you’re acknowledging to yourself and the cosmos that you are deserving and grateful and desire to receive more. And the universe pays attention.

When you give from your heart instead pleasing out of obligation, that’s when you are truly giving. When you give from your heart the receiver can feel the difference.

Trust that the scales of give and take will balance in the big picture. Not everything needs instant reciprocation. When you learn the art of receiving, you invite more positive into your life. When you give from your heart, instead of obligation, you create positive energy around you.

This flow fuels the spirit of both giver and receiver. This is where happiness resides. And this is why I say thank you and resist saying I love you too.

Live a Happy, Sexy life!

p.s. Give from your heart and share using the social media buttons below.