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What is it you really want in your relationship and for yourself personally? Have you clearly defined it or is it a vague desire to just feel better than you do right now?

I know from experience that vague wishes lead to wishy-washy results. But when you’re overwhelmed or don’t know what to do, it’s hard to know where to start to make real changes in your relationship that make a real difference.

Vision boards and affirmations are tools that help you focus but they lack substance unless you tune into your true self with clarity.

Resolutions are good but don’t lead to anything unless you give them your positive focus. How many times have you resolved to do or change something but then a frustration or set back derails you and you give up?

I know I’ve been there when I didn’t have clear intentions or direction.

I remember reading once that approximately 80% of New Year’s resolutions are given up on within the first couple weeks of January. How sad is that? So, I want to share my 4 step process that goes beyond resolutions.

And it doesn’t matter when you start it but let’s face it the earlier you start the sooner you’ll start to see the changes you want in your relationship and your life. Set backs, disappointments, unforeseen obstacles don’t have to break our resolve. A happy new year, month, week or day can start right now in this very moment.

So, here’s my 4 step process to make real changes in your relationship this year:

Part 1: Questions to reflect on while looking back at 2018

  • Where were you a year ago?
  • What obstacles presented themselves?
  • What were your successes – relationship, personal, work, spiritual?
  • What were your ah-ha moments?
  • What did you let go of?
  • What were your highest moments of joy?
  • What are most proud of?

Part 2: Take time to DREAM about 2019

  • What do you desire for yourself and in relationship – body, mind, heart & spirit? (sexually and non-sexually)
  • What do you want to replicate from 2018?
  • What do you want to let go of?
  • What emotions do you most want to feel?
  • Define everything that make you feel the way you want to feel, and decide how much time you will devote to doing what makes you feel that way?
  • With love being the ultimate emotion, how often will you commit to making choices of thought, words and actions with love instead of ego?

Part 3: Acknowledge your patterns of self-sabotage

  • Do you procrastinate or avoid doing things that will help you move forward?
  • Do you ruminate and stay stuck in your old story of fears, resentments or what’s not working?
  • Do you shut your emotions down?
  • Do you blame, shame, judge, doubt or guilt yourself or others?
  • Do you stay stuck in worry or fear because you’re afraid of things changing? (or never changing)

Part 4: Decide what you’ll do differently in 2019

What will you do when your self-sabotaging patterns come up? List all the possibilities of what you can do and where or who you can turn to. Remind yourself that doing the opposite of an old pattern is an exciting opportunity to stretch your comfort zone and grow.

  • Ask a question in the Make Love Great group.
  • Take a break and go for a walk or a nap and start again.
  • Feel uncomfortable but try it anyway.
  • Reach out to a professional you trust for guidance.
  • Spend quiet time listening to your heart instead of the commotion of mind chatter.
  • Email me: gayle at drgaylefriend to ask a question or for recommendations.
  • Remind yourself that you are more than good enough and more than worthy of anything you desire.

DREAM BIG! You are worthy of everything you desire!

Wishing you an abundance of everything positive and clarity when brief set backs happen. Enjoy the process of how to make real changes in your relationship and in your life this year – starting today.