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The link between sex to toast is not as far a stretch as you would think. Sex and toast are both dull, dry and boring if you don’t add flavor, but there’s more to it. Let me give you the back story before I continue:

I love book stores. I can’t resist them. I love perusing the rows of shelves. The other day I spotted this little gem on the discount table and laughed out loud. An entire cookbook dedicated to toast.

In case you’re wondering, no I didn’t buy it. But I couldn’t help thinking how it was like a lot (not all) of the books out there about sex.

Most of the sex books I’ve read focus on the physical aspects but rarely get into the root cause of sexual problems. While there isn’t wrong with how to books – inspiration is a great thing – we need to address the internal blocks we have that keep us from healthy, fun and erotic sexual experiences.

The cookbook about toast was filled with ideas about what to put on toast. In other words, how to dress it up and add interesting flavors. And how to pair specific types of toast with specific toppings. That’s all great but consider this:

You can know how to make toast. You can learn how to dress it up. But if you don’t plug the toaster into the electrical source, you’ll never have toast.

You can be educated about sex. You can learn all the sexual techniques you want. But if you don’t plug into your own energy source, you’ll never have satisfyingly great sex.

You plug into your energy source by connecting to your authentic self.

Sex is one of the most natural things in the world so you’d think it would be easy. And yet, it can be so complicated, filled with triggers and emotional landmines, or just plain boring – all because of the baggage that keeps you from stepping into your full essence, energy and vitality.

You can dress sex up all you like with various activities, positions, role playing, etc. but if you’ve got limiting beliefs, resentments, worries or other negativity tagging along, you won’t have a breathtakingly connected experience.

My clients know that you can’t put the horse before the cart. Most of them start working with me because they want to improve their sex life, but we always begin with the inner work first. We identify and ditch their limiting beliefs and patterns that keep them on the hamster wheel of lousy or non-existence sex. Once a solid base is made, both personal and relational, and they’re tuning into their true essence, then we focus on sex.

If we started with the sexual component without addressing their core needs of self-love, feeling good enough, worthy, desired (or anything else), then whatever sexual progress is made wouldn’t last. Their core needs or negative relationship patterns would sabotage any positive changes.

Plug into your own energy source. How have you been living small? What lights you up non-sexually? (this parlays into being lit up sexually) Get clear on your own patterns of disconnection. Disconnection from your spirit. Disconnection from your body’s pleasure. Disconnection from your partner. Disconnection from your own emotions. Then think, say or do the opposite to start turning things around and adding flavor.

Sex and toast are both dull and boring without adding flavor! Click To Tweet

You make toast great by adding flavor. You make sex great by adding your own personal flavor – the essence of your spirit. Tuning into you first, is the most important thing – and it’s how you make love great.


Dr. Gayle Friend

p.s. Tired of dull, dry & boring? Join the Make Love Great facebook group here and tune into your authentic energy source.