Ever try putting together a piece of Ikea furniture with someone you’re annoyed with? Whether you have or you haven’t, can you imagine how that would go?
A few decades ago there was a dating service in Vancouver that used Ikea as their gimmick to determine relationship compatibility. The idea went something like this:
At a planned dating event people would pair up and put together a piece of Ikea furniture. If they cooperated and had fun, they passed the compatibility test and would most likely want to go on a date. If they had power struggles or frustration, they’d probably never want to see each other again.
So, what does this have to do with creating a healthy relationship now? Well, one dictionary definition of compatibility is the ability to exist without problems or conflict. In relationships however…
Compatibility is about how you interact in the face of problems or conflict.
Problems and conflict happen in the fight for control (i.e. building something from Ikea together). If one or both of you complains about how the other is doing something, it’s probably going to be an unpleasant experience.
If your determining factor of relationship compatibility means having a tremendous amount in common, you might be missing out. It’s your differences that create the spark and the energy between you. It’s about living in harmony with your unique differences.
Compatibility is the ability to shift the balance of who leads and who follows.
Once you learn how to live in an exchange of control and surrender, there will be a lot more compatibility. Both trying to be in control leads to conflict. Learning when and how to take charge, and being able to let go and follow your partner’s lead, translates well to sexual play in the bedroom.Finding comfort in an exchange of control and surrender makes for amazing sex. Click To Tweet
Becoming comfortable with an exchange of control and surrender can make for some pretty compatible and steamy times between the sheets.
Live a happy, sexy life!
Dr. Gayle Friend
p.s. People in healthy relationships feel the freedom to explore their eroticism. Start finding that freedom by watching this 3 part video series on love, intimacy and sex now!