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I stood there frozen, staring at the locked door. I was unable to move my weighted arms, and even if I could, the doorknob was just out of reach. It would require taking a step forward but I was unable to will my legs to move. They were rooted too deep in the unyielding soil.

The more I stared at the door the larger it loomed over me. Closing my eyes, I could imagine what was on the other side. I saw happiness and freedom, and I could picture myself sexually authentic, but the images were not clearly defined. I desired to experience these things more than anything, but I wasn’t able to overcome fear. I was stuck and living life small.

The key to the lock lay in my hand. I knew how to use it because I’d heard the instructions many times. Even though the lessons came from many teachers, the message had always been the same. Yet in that moment I couldn’t move.

I didn’t know for certain what I would become, I’d only been able to imagine it. The uncertainty frightened me. What if I grew too big? What if the people around me didn’t like sexually authentic me? The thoughts both scared and excited me.

Planted here felt safe in the most twisted way imaginable. I hated my existence, bound as I was, unable to even bend with the wind. My life had become unbearable due to the emotional drought I had suffered for so long. I was parched and withering. The lush garden I imagined on the other side of the door was vibrant and stood in stark contrast to where I resided now.

Then one day a shift in my perception started to take hold. It began with one tiny seed of possibility that had been carried by the wind and rested at my feet. I watched as the seed germinated, sprouted and began to grow. The stronger the plant of possibility grew above ground, the deeper its roots were embedding themselves and wrapping around my own. Possibility and I were becoming one. As the roots of possibility displaced the earth below,  I was slowly able to feel my toes wiggle. Gradually I was learning that I owed it to myself to overcome fear.

Possibility was nurturing me and making me stronger. Desire of what lay beyond the door grew exponentially and the fear of uncertainty and the unknown began to diminish.

I had known others who ventured forth and were thriving. Maybe I could too. The only thing I had to loose was the safety of certainty. But it was a certainty I couldn’t live with. The certainty of being unnourished and unhappy with a withering soul was no longer enough. I was embracing my sexuality and uniting every part of me.

The vine like tendrils of possibility had wrapped themselves around my trunk and branches, supporting me and giving me strength. By the time it reached the hand where the key lay, a beautiful breeze was blowing, and I could feel myself sway. I was able to shake my roots free and take a step forward. I reached out and slipped the key into the latch turning it ever so slowly as my heart pounded. My palms were damp but I willed myself to continue. “I deserve this”.

I took one last look around the barren landscape of my existence and knew without a shred of doubt that I was doing the right thing. I saw the knob turn in my hand, but it felt as if I was watching someone else. The door opened and I gazed in wonder at the endless beauty before me.

Passing through the portal, I went headfirst into uncertainty, with no guarantees as to what the future would hold. I felt that I had become someone else but my reflection showed otherwise. I was the same but better. My eyes were bright. I felt taller and larger, yet somehow lighter. On this side of the door, I learned that I was worthy of living in my full vibrant glory. My confidence and self-esteem blossomed with radiant buds. The authentic sexuality I had once feared became as cherished and necessary as water, sun and air. I was growing with self-love.

Possibility saved my life. I had overcome fear.

There are still occasional storms on this side, but they’re short lived and I am thriving. I have no idea how many seeds of possibility lay scattered around me that never took hold, but it doesn’t matter. One did. The key resides within, but with a seed of possibility, that key can open doors and anything is possible.

You have the key and the seeds of possibility lay at your feet. Are you ready to commit to living full and free, and overcome fear? Let me know. I’m here to help you through the door.

Live a Happy, Sexy Life!

 

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