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It’s pretty hard to feel sexually adventurous if you’re worried about your own low libido or pissed off about your partners. It’s common. So common in fact that this comes up for most of my clients. And their struggle is worse when they hear messages about how ‘if they only had a satisfying sexual repertoire, it would take them from boring mundane sex to exciting passionate sex.

While it’s true that exploring sexuality can connect you in incredible ways, it only can if you feel free and safe to explore. I’ve talked to and worked with a lot of people with low sexual desire who simply weren’t ready to dive into erotic adventure. Often they feel like there’s something wrong with them so they go to a medical doctor to talk about libido enhancing drugs. Drugs can help with the mechanics of sex but they don’t increase pleasure.

When couples feel close and good together they feel alive. They feel free to explore sexually and they enjoy more pleasure.

BTW: there’s a difference between low libido and low desire. You can read all about the distinctions in a previous article.

Feeling secure & connected with your partner provides the freedom to explore sexually. Click To Tweet

This is just common sense. If you already feel like sex is just one more thing to avoid or cross off the to-do list, then the idea of introducing new bedroom skills or activities will turn you off or feel like a heavier burden. And that won’t do anything to increase arousal.

Everyone I work with wants to see a change in their sex lives. But not everyone is ready for erotic exploration without first having an undeniable sense of security and belonging, and feeling of joy in their relationship. And getting there requires risking being vulnerable – and that can feel really fucking scary! This is why I teach couples how to get close and intimate!

It’s hard to feel juicy yummy feelings for each other if you’re stuck in a relationship pattern that isn’t serving you. You need to feel connected without lingering resentments, blame, shame or feeling shut down or shut out. You need to feel intimately connected, happy and confident – body, mind, heart & spirit.

Intimacy is the gateway to great sex and love that lasts!

Anyone can have sex. (BTW: There’s a vast array of activities that define sex besides intercourse) The thing is, you might not be enjoying it as much as you could. Low libido or low desire are definitely things to look at. But what else is keeping you from having fun between the sheets? Hmmmm

Live a happy, sexy life!

Dr. Gayle Friend

p.s. Click here for a little something that could help take your intimacy and sex life to another level. 😉