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Many people struggle, wondering how to reach orgasm or how or help their partner orgasm. If it doesn’t happen they consider it a failure. They sometimes lose connection with their partner and miss out on the abundant pleasure they could be enjoying. No matter how you slice it, it isn’t sexy. It feels like work. And pressure! Especially for those who are anorgasmic.

Dr. Justin Lehmiller wrote an article about the orgasmic imperative and describes it this way: “The orgasmic imperative refers to the tremendous sense of pressure and obligation that so many people feel to reach orgasm during sex (and to help their partners reach orgasm as well)”

Worrying about how to reach orgasm has nothing to do with pleasure.

The pleasure of sex is sexy. It encompasses your emotions, physical sensations and the essence of your spirit. Pleasure fuels your soul.

Pleasure is bonding. When you share a pleasurable experience you feel closer and more relaxed with your partner. It’s in that state of relaxation that you surrender. You surrender control. You stop trying to achieve a particular outcome. And it’s when you are immersed in pleasure, relaxed and have surrendered control that the ability to reach orgasm is heightened.

For those who think not being able to reach orgasm is a failure. Not so. How can anything that’s pleasurable be considered a failure?

Pressure and obligation to reach orgasm isn’t sexy. Pleasure is and it’s what I teach. Click To Tweet

The mindset of expecting or hoping that you’ll reach orgasm is just that – a mindset. Meaning you’re in your mind going through a checklist of how to make it happen.

Pleasurable sex. Good sex. Great sex. This happens with a mindset focused on giving and receiving pleasure, tuning into the connection you’re experiencing and the sensations you’re feeling.

In other words, if your focus on orgasm means you’re not experiencing pleasure, you’re making it harder to have an orgasm. People who work with me learn how to connect – body, mind, heart and spirit – so they can have the best sex possible.

Want to learn more about how to reach orgasm? Click here for a previous article.

Live a happy, sexy life!

Dr. Gayle Friend