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When you think of intimacy and sex what do you think of first? Romance? Spice? All of the above, or something else entirely?

A while back I received an email from someone who suggested that I hardly ever talk about passion and spice. That ‘sugar’ doesn’t lead to spice. That men ‘play along’ with intimacy but discreetly seek spice elsewhere (affairs). That I should challenge women to up their spice game. And that many women secretly crave spice too.

There was more to this man’s email, I’ll call him John Doe, but I think you get the picture.

John was someone I’ve talked to before. He was one of my research participants a couple years ago. He is a lovely man to talk to but appears to miss my message of intimacy.

John was also an outlier in my research – an exception to the rule. Almost every single person I interviewed (men & women) told me that they were missing intimacy. I agree that many men and women alike want spicy sex but there’s more to it.

Most of my research shows that people want a better sex life but they crave emotional intimacy.

Intimacy is vital to a happy, healthy relationship.

Watch the video for the funny story that goes along with this blog.

A vibrant relationship is the balancing of love, intimacy and sex. Click To Tweet

I can always provide ideas to spice things up sexually, but most of the baggage we have in the bedroom comes from the baggage we carry in the intimacy portion of the trifecta. That’s why I talk about intimacy – or the ‘sugar’ as John puts it.

I help my clients work through intimacy struggles and let go of limiting beliefs so they can have a flourishing sex life that excites them. In a long-term relationship people need to feel happy, valued and accepted so they feel safe to explore their erotic sexuality to the full degree.

When people have a fear of intimacy, they’ll sometimes use sex as a way to connect because they don’t know how to be vulnerable and open their heart fully. But if you want a relationship that feels great, and have great sex with your partner too, you need love, intimacy and sex.

When you work on the intimacy portion first, the ‘sugar’ portion, that’s when things really start to thrive and get spicy. Not the other way around.

Intimacy is the gateway to great sex and love that lasts! That is a statement I will stand behind every step of the way on my journey helping people with their relationships and sex lives.

Live a happy, sexy life!

Dr. Gayle Friend

p.s. Connect with me on Facebook so you can tune in and watch me live every week.