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Do you ever feel stuck, wondering if things are ever going to change? Or wondering if you’ll ever be truly happy in your love life or sex life?

When we start to lose confidence and then doubts, worries or frustration starts to set in, we slide into disconnection faster than a snowball melts in summer. We disconnect from our true authentic self and we disconnect from our partner. And it all has to do with emotions.

Sex is always about emotions. Good sex is about free emotions; bad sex is about blocked emotions. – Deepak Chopra

Emotions are an integral part of who we are, and when we can tune into them, express them and feel understood, miraculous things can happen – like multiple orgasms. Of course, there are a multitude of benefits to being emotionally tuned in, but this piece is specifically related to how our intimate emotions affect our sex lives.

For the most part I’ve had a great year filled with fun and memorable experiences. At the same time, I was working through some tough stuff during the first few months. Releasing additional layers of old baggage and growing – again!

And I love it. Not the messy stuff so much, but the freedom of being on the other side of uncomfortable and unwelcome emotions.

The trouble was that back a few months, when I was knee deep in the tough stuff, I was disconnected from my true self. I felt frustrated, stuck and lost. It can happen to anyone. In fact, I was so disconnected from myself that I lost my orgasms. Sex was still pleasurable, but I missed the heightened ecstasy and gratification of deeply connected sex. Until last week.

I was past the deep work, I was back to having consistent orgasms, and life was working it’s way from feeling good again to feeling great. So great in fact that I started having multiple orgasms again! Woohoo!

My point being this:

When you go through a tough time – keep going. You never know what’s waiting for you.

Coming up against difficult times isn’t fun. Whether it’s working through hard emotions, releasing old baggage, or practicing grace as you’re facing someone else’s hard stuff (or their drama) – keep going.

Tune into your emotions and allow yourself to feel them. Stuffing them down prolongs the pain, keeping you stuck in whatever muck you’re experiencing.  And inevitably those hard emotions will resurface at some point in the future, demanding you deal with them then.

Face what’s facing you now. Get out of your head and process the difficult emotions. Journal what you’re experiencing. Talk with someone you trust, a friend or skilled practitioner. Forgive whoever needs forgiving – including yourself. Effectively release them and move forward. Allow yourself to feel good again.

The quality of your love life is in direct proportion to the quality of your emotions. Click To Tweet

When I’m on top of my game and fully authentic – sexually or not – these are the emotions I feel: Free. Light. Confident. Energized. Empowered. Inspired. Fun. Playful. Sexy. Happy. Excited. On Fire.

I wasn’t worried that my orgasms were lost forever. I’d been through it before and I knew when I was back on my game they’d be back too. And it happened.

Think of the times you’ve felt on top of your game and fully authentic. How do you feel in those times? Write your own list or use mine from above. Recall those times when you felt those feel good emotions and feel into them again! And… make love great.


Dr. Gayle Friend is an intimacy expert, speaker, author, relationship and life coach, a science, sex & spiritual geek, and a love junkie – helping people empower themselves to live authentically in life, love and work.