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It’s really interesting to observe how Hollywood portrays relationships, love and sex. Generally speaking, the best sexual experiences are depicted as explosive passion between either two new lovers or in forbidden affairs. Sexual activity between people in established relationships is typically shown as lacking passion, it’s tender and sometimes even sad in nature because of the characters situation.

Here’s what I’ve experienced in life and what I help clients with:

First time sex and forbidden sex has a juicy element of intoxicating excitement. And when you couple that with satisfying physical urges, the experience is utterly amazing and can be highly addictive. But it wanes, so we feel a void. What was once exciting becomes routine with time – yet we yearn for the high we once felt, the passion that accompanies excitement.

On the other side:

Sex with love elevates the physical experience to both new heights and greater depths – IF love is profoundly present.

But here’s the thing:

Love and fear can’t exist in the same space at once. Fear in any of its forms blocks love, and blocks a great sexual experience. Fear of: losing an erection, disappointing or being disappointed, not getting it right, that it will end to quickly etc. Resentments, judgments, guilt, shame, doubt, worry, anxiety – are negative thoughts and emotions based in fear that also prevent love from being fully present.

Love is a pure emotion that is unifying while blocks to love create separateness and disconnection. Uniting in love transforms sex to a co-created experience that fuels greater connection to self, with love flowing freely within and between each other. It’s an exquisite and erotic high that transports you beyond physical sensations.

I’ve had remarkable first time sexual experiences but in all honesty, they don’t hold a candle to sex as an expression, exchange and extension of love.

When love flows freely between a couple, sex can be an exquisite and erotic high that transports you beyond physical sensations. Click To Tweet

Love elevates the experience of sex so long as you don’t show up with old stories you still hold true, outdated limiting beliefs that hold you back or concerns about the future – whether that’s 10 minutes, a week or a month from now.

Be aware of how you show up in bed – what thoughts and emotions are you bringing with you? Are you immersed in self-love and love of your partner or are you inviting hurts and blocks into bed with you?

When I work with clients we examine what those hurts, old beliefs and emotional blocks are and then through various modalities we reduce the intensity until they are no longer an issue. There are a lot of modalities out there with varying levels of effectiveness but the main ones I use that yield deep and lasting results are emotion focused modalities. I’ve learned that talk therapy can only take you so far – learning a new way of thinking while releasing the emotional bondage of old is a potent combination for change.

So in short, be aware, do the inner work to release your blocks, allow love to flow freely, and make love great! Oh, and if you know any screenwriters send them my way – it would be so refreshing to see more examples of what’s sexually possible in relationships – beyond first time passionate excitement.


Dr. Gayle Friend

p.s. If a higher and deeper sexual experience is what you desire contact me and let’s chat.