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Well, I don’t buy into it and neither do my clients when they learn a more heart-centered approach to feeling good in relationships, intimacy, sex and life in general.

There’s so much written about being and living authentically that the idea of faking it doesn’t ring true for me.

I don’t believe in faking anything. From a smile to an orgasm – what does it get you?

Fake smiling isn’t authentic and anyone who sees it can sense that your energy isn’t in alignment with the smile on your face. It doesn’t feel real so it doesn’t feel good. It feels sort of hollow.

And when you fake an orgasm you are completely ripping yourself off from being in touch with your own true sexuality (more on this in another post).

For now I want to focus on an alternative to faking it when you’re feeling less than great in life and love. When your intimacy feels off. When you don’t feel really connected and you’ve got a date planned. What do you do?

Faking it is taking action that feels forced. It’s trying to act your way into feeling good. It’s unnatural. Click To Tweet

But what if you turned ‘faking it’ thinking on its head and approached uncomfortable situations from the exact opposite end of the spectrum. What if you felt your way into feeling good first and then went on that date? Wouldn’t it feel better than faking it and hoping that things work out?

When you’re going out on a date and things don’t feel as connected as you wish:

  • Do you wait for your partner to feel good first so you can feel good?
  • Do you fake it ‘til you make it, hoping you’ll start to feel better along the way?
  • Or are you willing to let go of resistances, feel your way into feeling good and risk the possibility of feeling even better?

Here’s how to do it:

First decide how you don’t want to feel. Anxious, frustrated, nervous, etc., and then decide how you DO want to feel.

From there, write out a list or recall a memory or several memories of when you felt the way you want to feel. Then focus on the things that make you feel that way. Focus on the emotion you want to feel and allow yourself to really get into the juicy, yummy feelings.

Chances are if you’re trying to fake it you’re forcing it and that tension will probably have you noticing all the little annoying things that don’t make for a sexy date.

However, if you focus on feeling good first then chances are you’ll notice more positive things in your surroundings (and about your partner) that are just going to lead to more feeling good.

This is all part of learning how to make love great and connect intimately.

Turn, ‘fake it ‘til you make it’ into a practice of feeling good so you can feel good.


Dr. Gayle Friend

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