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Being brought up in a religious home there was a lot of shame instilled about the idea of touching yourself in a sexually pleasurable way. I had a negative relationship with masturbation but later came to discover the self-confidence and magnetic attraction that can ‘come’ from solo sex. I used to be like my clients who I hear say, “It’s just not something I’m into”

Why am I sharing this? Because May is Masturbation month and it’s all about self-love both literally and figuratively. Some people like to and others don’t. Either way you can read my Top 10 Reasons Not to Masturbate in a previous article.

But here I want to present it as a way to connect with your partner. In a way that can draw you closer.

There are a lot of people I talk to who resist the idea of masturbation and if you’re one of them I get it. I’ve been there. I know the shame and the guilt associated with it. I know it’s easier not to do it than it is to take the time to love yourself.

And that’s just it. Unless you’re anorgasmic, anyone can touch themselves and ‘get off’. What I’m talking about is loving yourself with mindfulness.

Mindful masturbation is a self-loving way of connecting to yourself and your lover. Click To Tweet

You know that magnetic attraction that happens when you are first drawn to another? There are an almost infinite number of things that happening all at once and one of them is the release of pheromones – those lovely little chemicals that secrete a supremely subtle fragrance that we only pick up subconsciously.

When you masturbate with pleasure the amount of pheromones you secrete increases and it’s those same chemicals that your partner is subconsciously drawn to.

Self-confidence is another benefit and it’s something that we universally find attractive in another.

So where does the self-confidence come from when it comes to masturbation? Self-love baby. And mindfulness. Not just jerking off to get off. It’s a chance to get in tune with your own body and tune into your thoughts and emotions surrounding your partner.

Think of it like giving yourself a massage. Your genitals are no less beautiful than or deserving of a massage than any other part of your body.

Use different pressure, strokes, rhythm and pace and pay attention to what feels good. Think loving thoughts about yourself and your partner in the process. These things combined with pleasurable sensations increase the positive vibes you’re residing in and sending out.

You feel better about yourself – self-confidence. You feel better about your partner – increased desire and love. Your partner picks up on this energy (and your pheromones) – magnetic attraction.

So there you have it. Permission to love every inch of your body and reap the rewards. And if it’s still not for you, go ahead and read my Top 10 List Not to Masturbate.

Live a happy, sexy life!

Dr. Gayle Friend

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