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I’ve gone through a lot of internal shifting through my work. One of the things I see a lot that tugs at my heart, is that deep intimacy isn’t for everyone. Not everyone is cut out for a deeply intimate relationship.

There have been times where I’ve felt like a total failure. Times where I’ve been working with a couple and one partner is craving emotional connection that goes beyond the shallow end of the pool, and the other barely wants to get their toes wet.

It’s heartbreaking for me to see couples in sorrow. But I’ve come to recognize that many people just don’t want emotional intimacy. It’s a choice they make. They aren’t ready to draw back the curtain and look at their own internal landscape let alone share it with someone else.

There’s a big part of me that aches because I want to see couples flourish in their relationships. One of our primal needs is connection. We’re hardwired to connect. We all need intimacy, and the closeness that comes from stepping into being vulnerable. But being a realist I’ve come to accept that intimacy isn’t what everyone wants. I believe it’s based in fear. That’s not a judgment but a summation. Finding the courage to be vulnerable and share is scary stuff. Not everyone wants to go there.

For those who do however, the rewards can bring personal freedom. Freedom to experience their own authenticity through growth. Freedom to be who they are, feeling fulfilled and knowing that the partner of their choosing not only sees them at a deep level but accepts them.

Deep intimacy isn’t for everyone because it takes courage to be emotionally raw and bear your soul.

For those who choose to be courageous, they develop greater compassion for themselves as well as for each other. They grow independently stronger and get to a place of sharing without depending. They find freedom in this too.

It’s freedom that’s borne of discomfort. The path to and of intimacy isn’t for the faint of heart. It requires internal fortitude to work through past pain that holds us hostage so we can release the shackles and break free.

I know this because I’ve been there. And I still go there. Relationships that grow and evolve challenge us to continually move forward. Going through the motions is fine for those who choose to live small. But to live in your full essence and joy with another it’s necessary to step into the wholeness of you and share that – body, mind, heart & spirit.

Deep intimacy isn’t for everyone. But for those who choose the path of courage and are willing to endure some discomfort, the rewards truly are priceless.

Live a happy, sexy life!

Dr. Gayle Friend

p.s. Venturing into intimacy and working through past pain isn’t easy and here you can read one of the simpler ways I do this for myself and clients have told me works for them.

p.s.s. Sharing is sexy! Click your favorite social media icon below *wink wink*