There’s a lot we could all learn about relationships and sex
More specifically, how to be better partners and lovers, and make love great in and out of the bedroom. And you can make that happen. But it might not always look pretty.
Relationships are a messy and complex mix of thoughts, emotions, wants, needs, differing personalities and past hurts all rolled up in one big tangled mess. Where exactly do you start?
#1 piece of advice is to take whatever is churning up for you and develop deep curiosity about relationships and sex. Use W5 as a guideline!
Let me explain: The Canadian TV show W5 is an investigative news program that digs deep – and the title stands for Who, What, When, Where and Why. (Fun fact for those who are curious, it’s the longest-running investigative program in North America. 60 Minutes came out a couple of years later.)
When it comes to our relationships and sex lives it’s this same investigative savvy we need to have – or hire someone to help us with. Curiosity is always the first step.
Develop curiosity while trying to keep yourself from questioning or blaming your partner, which is often our default. I still slide into this pitfall and have to catch myself by looking within and questioning my perceptions with self-compassion.
Approach your relationship with open curiosity to reveal the possibilities not the problems.
Here are some W5 questions you can ask yourself about relationships and sex:
Who am I being in this situation? Authentic, true, heart-centered, integrity.
What am I missing/craving? Body, mind, heart and spirit.
When and how can I best extend an olive branch? Hint: now is good, unless you’re angry and need to find calm first.
Why does this same crap keep happening? What am I supposed to learn?
Where can I/we go for trusted support?
Challenge yourself to be radically honest with your answers even if your ego is kicking and screaming the whole time. It might not be easy, but it will break down the walls of disconnection that blame can create.
As for the last question above… Where can I/we go for relationship support? Be really curious about who you turn to for help and advice. Your friends are an important part of your life. They’ll let you vent and lend an ear or shoulder for support, but keep in mind that even the most well-meaning friends have their own biases and perspectives.
The only downside to curiosity is if you go into analysis paralysis. Get curious and, after you grapple with your answers, pull up your adult pants and reconnect with your partner.As soon as possible after disconnection, pull up your adult pants and extend an olive branch. Click To Tweet
Keep an open mind and heart as you process these questions. And, as best you can, put aside judgments and assumptions about your partner and yourself. An open mind and heart coupled with curiosity is where deep connection starts.
Live a happy, sexy life!
Dr. Gayle Friend
p.s. It’s okay to have a little help to get past the complex, messy stuff – that’s what I’m here for. 😉 Start with some free sexy gifts with one simple click! From my heart to yours.