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Re-establishing sexual connection can feel overwhelming if it’s been missing for a while. Especially if you’re trying to recover from relationship problems. Old hurts and resentments can destroy the possibility of great sex. Your confidence and desire might be low. And trust takes time to grow.

I totally get it and I’ve been there. ‘Not tonight dear, I have a headache’ can become a habit that’s hard to break. It took me, what felt like forever, to get my mojo back after my husband and I worked to turn our marriage around. I was self-conscious, uneasy and often broke into tears because I had lost my desire for sex.

Sex is perfectly natural but it’s not always naturally perfect – Dr. Janice Epp

Avoiding sex is all too common in relationships and it drives a wedge between partners. So, what do you do when you want to connect but the idea of sex is difficult or awkward and you don’t know what to do?

When my clients are having a hard time getting comfortable with sex again I get them to take it slow and get comfortable with touch while fully clothed first. You might not always feel like sex, but you can still make love great as you re-establish sexual connection.

  1. Start with extended hugs standing up – fully body contact until you feel relaxation setting in. It can take several times of doing this one thing before you feel comfortable, relaxed and ready for the next step.
  2. Take those extended hugs from vertical to horizontal still fully clothed. Lay on the sofa together and if you feel like it, watch a movie while you cuddle.Extended touch releases yummy chemicals that calm your nervous system, reduce stress and increase your emotional bond.
  3. When you’re ready, kick it up a notch. Cuddle in your underwear. Skin to skin bonding feels exquisitely sensuous and builds trust as you gain comfort and confidence.If your mind starts to mess with you, quiet any troubling or negative thoughts and emotions with thoughts of appreciation instead. Feeling appreciative about your partner or anything else for that matter is like a soothing balm to your soul.
  1. Time to get naked. Naked cuddling is sexually connecting without the pressure of having actual sex. If this feels scary go slow by deciding together how long you’ll cuddle for and set a timer to ease any tension. Make a deal with yourself to relax as much as possible and each time you do this increase the duration of your naked cuddle time.

It isn’t easy to get naked with each other if you haven’t done it for a while. But as you grow more comfortable and feel the blissful benefits of sexual connection without sex, you’ll start to awaken your sexuality. As my clients follow this gradual re-entry to sexual connection while working on decreasing other relationship troubles they start to feel more sexual arousal and desire again.

You might not always feel like sex, but you can still make love great as you re-establish sexual connection. Click To Tweet

Your body may wake up and feel desire the first time you cuddle naked, or not, and that’s okay. You’ll both still benefit from choosing to connect in love. Even if there’s no love making, you’re still making love. But don’t be surprised to find that one time when you’re naked without sex, that your sexual urges begin to grow and you wind up enjoying blissful lovemaking.

I successfully coach individuals and couples in love, intimacy and sex to help them increase passion, pleasure and confidence in and out of the bedroom. This is just one series of steps you can take to feel closer and grow your sexual connection. For more info on how to create the love life of your dreams, drop me a line at gayle at drgaylefriend dot com. I’d love to hear from you.


Dr. Gayle Friend