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When I was at a low point many years ago one of the hardest lessons for me to learn was self-compassion. I truly thank God for good relationship therapy and, as far as I’m concerned ALL therapy is relationship therapy. When you grow as an individual you bring a better you to your relationship. That includes having the ability to be gentle with yourself.

Self-compassion is an art that when practiced removes the veil of blame, shame and self-judgments that keeps our spirit from soaring. Amazing sex happens from the open-hearted space that self-compassion creates.

Self-compassion is part of what self-worth and egoless confidence are made of. You need it!

A lot of people use different words interchangeably so, for clarification here are the definitions I use when working with clients. It’s always good to make sure you’re on the same page.

Pity: feeling sorry for yourself or someone else from a place of superiority.

Sympathy: feelings of sorrow for the pain or hurt of another.

Empathy: feeling and understanding the emotional experience of the other person. Being able to place yourself in their shoes creates a shared emotional bond.

Compassion: an emotion of love and caring that you translate into action from a desire to help. You are being compassionate when someone is hurting and you offer comfort with intent to ease their pain.

Self-compassion: putting aside self-blame, shame, judgments, fear and doubts; opening your heart and stepping into the emotion of love with a desire to ease your own pain.

Self-compassion isn’t easy when you’re stuck in shame and self-judging. But that’s exactly when you need it the most.

At its core, relationship therapy helps individual partners heal so they can heal their relationship. I love witnessing my clients as they get close & intimate and they start to see each other as lovers instead of adversaries. They become more compassionate with each other and fall in love all over again.

Learning self-compassion sometimes takes a bit more work but it’s one more thing that leads to enjoying fantastic sex.

My husband explains it this way: It’s easy to have compassion for your partner whose cat was run over by a car. It’s not easy to have self-compassion if you’re the one who ran over the cat.

When self-compassion is hardest that’s when you need it the most. Click To Tweet

We all make mistakes. Thinking you’re unforgivable or that you need to be perfect creates impossible standards that you set for yourself.

We all need self-compassion. It reduces pressure, frustration, fears and sorrow. Self-compassion replaces those things with comfort. With that comes flow, self-confidence. I know because my life changed when I learned self-compassion.

Relationship therapy guides you in peeling back the layers to get to the root of things so you are able to extend more loving compassion to your partner and your self. And sex is waaaay more sexy and fun when you’re not carrying around a bunch of blame and shame.

Live a happy, sexy life!

Dr. Gayle Friend

p.s. If you’ve already done the difficult work of learning self-compassion leave a comment below – let others know that this is something that can be done!