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Is your emotional relationship suffering because you’re thorping the spirit out of each other?

Thorping may not be a term you’re aware of – primarily because I made it up but it’s something that kills a person’s spirit and robs them of their ability to feel desired, secure and loved. It makes them feel irrelevant.

This year’s Olympics brought a century old story to my attention about a man named Jim Thorpe. A great athlete whose spirit was irrevocably broken.

A broken spirit robs you of your ability to feel desired, secure and loved.

Jim Thorpe was the first Native American to win Olympic gold for the USA in the decathlon and pentathlon events of the 1912 games. Later, he was stripped of his medals when it was discovered that for a couple summers before the games he had played semi-pro baseball for a puny sum of money.

It was a common practice in the day for athletes to play sports for money under an assumed name. Thorpe, wanting to remain above board used his real name. That was his downfall – even though it was well before he was considered for the Olympic team.

Six months after the games someone dug into his past and brought the infraction to light under huge controversy on the part of the IOC. (30 years after Thorpe’s death the IOC reinstated his medals)

Thorpe was stripped of his spirit along with his medals. It became difficult for him to maintain an emotional relationship. He continued in sports but had trouble keeping jobs and became a chronic alcoholic.

What he did was technically wrong and we all make mistakes. His wasn’t the stuff of trying to get away with something. He wasn’t an Olympic athlete looking to make a few bucks on the side. What he did was in his past and pre-Olympics.

Thorping is bringing up a past mistake of your partner’s and making them pay for it here and now.

Thorping is punishing your partner now for a past mistake. Learn more here: Click To Tweet

Even if you have old hurts there are more effective ways of processing the pain without crippling either one of you. I help clients create safety between them so they both feel valued and loved and can work as a team. Digging into the past during an argument or out of habit or aggravation is cruel. And what’s it going to get you? A partner who’s spirit is crushed is either going to go on the offense and fight back, run for the hills or shut down right before your very eyes.

Acting out on your past hurts isn’t going to get you what you ultimately want.

I get it. You’re hurting. And I know all the sage advice out there is telling you to simply let it go. But the thing is – you need to actually process things before you can let them go. And for some, that can feel as foreign and as dangerous as walking a tightrope over a deep gorge with no safety net. It’s frightening. But with a little help and support you can make it to the other side unscathed and better for it. The other side holds a good shot at reconnecting and finding fulfillment with each other. Without tramping on each others tender hearts and spirits.

Thorping kills your partner’s spirit. It creates more disconnection and tension when what you really want and deserve is an emotional relationship that is uplifting and helps you thrive. Don’t wait until 30 years post-mortem to make amends and learn how to love each other better.

Live a happy, sexy life – now!

Dr. Gayle Friend

p.s. Want to inspire others to love each other better? Put an end to Thorping by sharing this message. xo