I hear it all the time. “We tried couples counseling but… it didn’t work, it wasn’t for us, our sex life still sucks.” It leaves people wondering, “Does marriage counseling work?”
I don’t blame people for asking that. I mean, what are you supposed to do when you know you need support but you’re not getting the results you want? Suffer in silence? Break up? Not great choices. If your couples counseling isn’t working there are things to consider.
Let me tell you what my theory is…
When marriage counseling doesn’t work it’s usually one (or a combination) of 3 reasons. The third reason has to do with the person you’re seeing, but let’s look at the other two first.
The 1st reason: There are no magic wands!
Are you interested in or committed to solving your relationship problems? There’s a difference between being interested and being committed. Interested means you want things to be better but you’re just dipping your toes in the water when it comes to the work. If it’s not easy you bail. Committed means you’re all in. You dive in and do the work. You do whatever it takes without fail. That’s just the way it goes.Relationship work doesn’t work if you don’t do the work. Click To Tweet
The 2nd reason: Expectations and the blame game.
If my partner would only_____________, then life would be great. Nope. The intent of couples counseling isn’t to prove who’s right or wrong. It’s about showing up and being individually responsible. As hard as it may be, set aside expectations of your partner. Focus on yourself. Be individually responsible without pointing fingers. You each played a role in things getting to where they are. Hey, you’re both human.
The 3rd reason: Therapist suitability to your needs.
There are great therapists, coaches, counselors and sexologists all offering potential solutions. If part of your trouble is about sex it’s important to know that not everyone has extensive training in sex and sexuality. They don’t all know the right questions to ask. I’m not the person to ask for advice about trauma or family issues. But when it comes to sex and relationships… I’m an intimacy expert. You need to make sure you, and the person you choose to talk to, are the right fit for working together. I only work with people if my skills and their concerns are a fit. You also want to make sure the person you get advise from takes the entirety of you into consideration – body, mind, heart and spirit.
Marriage counseling, couples counseling, relationship coaching – whatever name it goes by – it works. It works if these three things are in place.
I take a holistic approach and I can help you connect intimately, have great sex and live a happy, sexy life. If you’re fully committed, all in, and hold yourself individually responsible without blame, then I’m your gal.
Find out more and get to know me.
Live a happy, sexy life!
Dr. Gayle Friend