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If your ultimate goal is to feel more secure and tenderly in love than ever before and have fun erotic sex, then start by getting to know your partner. In couples counseling people often find out things about their lover they didn’t really know before. They don’t feel free or don’t know how to express themselves, their longings, desires or troubles.

A famous study by Arthur Aron showed that the simple act of asking questions and answering them, reliably increased the sense of closeness in dating couples. The same holds true for long-term relationships. It requires a certain degree of vulnerability but can draw you closer and ultimately help you love each other better.

Being curious and asking open-ended questions is the number one way to show you are interested in your partner.

I always start my process with clients by encouraging them to develop deeper curiosity so they can get close & intimate. Think beyond “What do you feel like for dinner?”

Here’s a list of 22 questions to get you started and inspire you. Ask them all or pick and choose.

  1. If you could have a super power, what would you want to be able to do?
  2. Tell me what a perfect day would look like for you?
  3. If you could look into the future and accurately see one thing, what would you want to know?
  4. What, if anything, do you think is too taboo to joke about?
  5. What’s your favorite memory of us together?
  6. What is your worst childhood memory?
  7. What is your favorite childhood memory?
  8. What, if anything, is missing in your friendships right now?
  9. If money were no object, where would you like to travel?
  10. Would you ever want to be famous? For what?
  11. What are your biggest worries about the future?
  12. I think couples counseling is ___________. What are your thoughts?
  13. What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you?
  14. If you could have dinner with anyone in the world who would it be?
  15. Besides sex, in what way would you like me to show you more affection?
  16. If time and money were no object, what field of study would you want to explore – just for fun?
  17. If you were to star in a movie – what kind of movie would it be? And what role would you like to play?
  18. When do you feel the sexiest?
  19. What’s your favorite sexual position?
  20. What turns you on or gets you in the mood for sex?
  21. What turns you off or breaks your sexual mood?
  22. What does sexy mean to you?

Bookmark this blog and come back to it every once in a while. Ask these questions again. If these questions are hard for you to ask or answer, go to couples counseling or contact me for support. We all change and evolve over time. Be open to seeing each other with new eyes and hearing each other with new ears.

Live a happy, sexy life!

Dr. Gayle Friend

p.s. Sharing is sexy! You know what to do! 😉

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